The Cullen's go on a road trip
by Justin Mullen
Summary: The Cullen's decide to take a road trip and many hilarious things happen.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of twilight. I can only wish.

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The Cullens road trip.

One warm summer day the cullens were watching were watching one of Nessies favorites, Golden girls. It was the episode were blanch got a pace maker. Any way nessie was the only one somewhat enjoying herself. All the other cullens except bella had watched this the first time it came out in1983. It was silent and Alice didnt like it. Braking the silence, Alice suggested a road trip.

" A road trip?" Esme asked. Esme scarsly remembered going on a road trip as a young human girl. The memory was fuzzy but what she could remember was that her parents ened up in the hospital.

Hesitantly Esme aggred and the rest of the cullens followed suit. They packed up some food for nessie and some dead squirrels for the ride. There was just one thing missing...Nessies tampons.

Being half human and half vampire meant fast aging and a painful period.

Every one was ready to go when Nessie annonced the bad news. Alice was a little upset because that meant her road trip had to be put on hold.

Edward rode Alices porche into town as fast as the car would let him. His memory was crouded so he turned on the radio. He heard what sounded like a robotic chicken dieing of a hangover.

Luckily the song ended an they announced that it was Kesha take it off . Edward was upset because he knew that that was one of nessies favorites.  
Edward got to the corner store and went directly to the woman higene section. While looking for the right size for nessie he got many odd looks of discust. one of them from Jessica . Edward flinched at her thouts witch were as follows. " I wonder if Edward is hiding somthing."

He got altra thin and waited in the express line were he got many more wierd looks. Mabey its because they all get altra thick.

He raced back to find only Nessie and carlisle. The rest left because the of boold. He handed nessie the tampons. Nessie grabbed them and ran to the bathroom .

When she got back downstairs the rest of her family was waiting . Emmett was cleaning the floor.  
Nessie ran to her mom when emmett shouted.

" I FOUND A CLUMP, anyone want it?" Everyone said no so he poped it in his mouth. He thought it was amazing. But he knew that was all he would get of her blood.

After the mess was finnaly clean the cullens packed the car and started their road trip.


	2. Chapter 2

The cullen road trip chapter 2.

The cullens decided to go Las Vagas. On the way to their first stop, Emmet got bored. Even a vampire didn't have enough patience for the 5 hours they had already been driving. Suddenly, he had an idea.

He turned to Renesmee to his right and asked her to touch his forehead and play a movie. She hesitantly agreed. As the opining credits of the twilight saga new moon came on, Emmet addmitted sheepishly he has already seen new moon. When renesme asked him what he wanted to watch he said somthing dirty. When Renesmee asked his reason he exclaimed in a hushed whisper that her aunt Rose was'nt giving him what every man needs, alive or dead. As Renesme racked her brain for somthing dirty for Emmet, She remembered walking in on her parents last month. As the memory started, Emmet started unzipping his pants but stopped immediatly when he realized who the stars of the show were. He was a little jealous. As thoughts of jelousy ran through his head, he got many terrible,frightning looks from Edward. Boy if looks could kill. Just as the part with Bella on her knees aproached, Edward stepped in and explained that this was not acceptable. When he and Bella asked renesme what her punishment should be, she said "be forced to watch the horidness of you and mom **_wrestling_**". Her parents decided on no Jacob for three weeks after the trip. Renesmee started to cry and being daddys little girl, all was fogivin,  
For the present anyway.


	3. Chapter 3

As the Cullens finally enter Canada, their first stop before Las Vegas,Edward and the older vampires noticed the cent of a they were in Vancover, Edward immediatly thought of Fred, the Vampire he learned about thanks to Bree. They excitedly followed the delectable sent. They decided to park their cars in a parking garage and track the sent on foot.

With only 2 hours until sundown, the Cullens cautiously walked through town,following the sent and staying in the shade.

Alice was repulsed when she tryed to see Freds future,and this scared her. She knew addmediatly that this vampire was a powerful one. She worridly told Carlisle and Edward, not wanting to frighten the others. But Edward was not frightened, he knew from reading Brees thoughts , that this vampire was kind and would not attack their coven.

As the sun went down, they ran fast as the wild wind on their faces, toward the sent. They traced the sent to a wooded area. as they aproached, Fred let out a warning hiss.

" Don't worry frightened one," greeted Carlisle. "we are here to befriend not to harm."

Suddenly,Carlisle could not look where the hissing noises were coming from. when he tried, he was repulsed.

He wihspered somthing to Edward, and Edward said he knew just what to do.

" We are like you, we are vampires too. I know all about you,Fred."

Suddenly, an attractive blond kid emerged out of the bushes. If Emmet werent there, Rose would have been all over him. Edward hissed as he read her thoughts.

" How do you know all this?" replied Fred.

Edward steped forward to speak, but Carlisle gentle pushed him back, and steped forward himself.

"We are "the yellow eyed ones" you were trained to fight," said Carlisle, " we met your friend, Bree,  
after she surrendered. She told us all about you and said if we cross your path, to be nice to you. So a couple months ago, after the battle we unfathomably decided to take a road trip to Las Vegas."

It was silent as Fred let that sink in. Then he somberly asked:

" So im guessing their dead? What about Bree, is she OK?"

" Unfotunatly, no. Because Bree surrendered, we tried to plee her case to the Volturi but in the end, she ended up going up in smoke."

" At least she was all in one piece." said Fred

The Cullens looked at eachother. Finally Carlisle said:

"Actually, only her body went up in flames. The Volturi riped her head off. Please don't ask any more questions."

"What happened to her head?" aske Fred.

" I was afraid you would ask. We have it stored away in the attic, you know, for when halloween comes around."

" Actually Carlise," Emmet said " I thought we might need it."

Emmet pulled Brees head out by the hair. Fred was frightened by Brees expression.

" I thought Vampires couldn't get constapation?" asked Fred curiously.

" They can't."

" But... her expression?"

" I said don't ask questions!" said Carlisle calmly.

A low growl bursted through freds teeth and as he was about to attack, Alice steped forward and said"

" Dude, you are REALY ugly! I can't even look at you without nausa. Have you tried showering?  
That might help."

Renesme giggled, and as she did Alice turned to her and said:

"Im not kidding! Stop laughing at the smelly Ogar !"

With another 20 minutes of old lady chatter, the Cullens invited Fred to join their coven. Fred declined but said he would stay in touch. As the cullens turned to leve,Fred winked at Alice. Alice shivered. Jasper growled.

The cullens ran back to their cars. 


End file.
